Paganism and Social Awkwardness

Here’s my take on why the Pagan community seems to attract socially awkward people.

There’s an “unconditional love and tolerance for all” ideal in the Pagan community at large. Our internal culture welcomes those who have been rejected by more mainstream groups. Sometimes this bites us in the butt, as people are unwilling to point out inappropriate behavior in a polite, direct manner one-on-one, early on. We tend to forget that a good percentage of newbies are coming in with some serious baggage, and we don’t allow for that transitional phase where they’re going to potentially make some big social blunders. It’s a learning curve that can be done in a positive way, yet still firmly with no wiggle room. Also, individuals can have some wildly different social boundaries of what they will tolerate or not. A newbie needs guidance on how to navigate the waters of an internal social structure that really doesn’t have a common set of boundaries.

Pagans are also notoriously more open about relationship structures; for someone coming in blind, from our generally conservative mainstream with more defined relationship rules, we’re a minefield. I believe we all should be firm as to our own personal boundaries up front, so a new person doesn’t get in a fix with all the mixed signals.

I believe that newbies entering ANY new social structure, especially religious or spiritually related, are coming into it with the idea that they want to fit in but have no idea what they’re dealing with yet. They’re going to be very self-conscious, self-judgmental, etc. Being hypersensitive about not wanting to misstep often leads to exactly that. Those of us with children understand this even more; any kid who knows they are in a situation where they need to “be on their best behavior” inevitably ends up at some point dropping/breaking something, or otherwise creating for themselves a socially embarrassing incident. It’s up to us, in the role of those comfortable with the environment, to gently but firmly help others overcome and do better while not treading on their dignity or self-respect.

This doesn’t mean that the “unconditional love and tolerance for all” is in play; if someone is truly a jerk or an actual danger to the community, it should be addressed. But it needs to be done in a way that does not end up ostracizing a good person based on personal bias. You are NOT required to like or accept everyone, even if they are in the same social community; just be astute about how you handle it.

9/11 - Why I Remember

There's been a run of 9/11 material on my FB timeline today. I don't know if any more will be posted, but today is my day to mourn. September 11, 2001 was my Kennedy assassination-level punch to the gut. Time has softened the blow, but don't tell me to "get over it." You simply adjust to the new reality; the world you knew before, and the impact of after.

As a parent, knowing my older daughter was starting her freshman year on the same campus as the Bush daughters, which potentially put her in danger, was frighteningly real and scary. My younger daughter was 5, not understanding why her parents were just sitting and crying in front of the TV that evening and for days afterwards. Even I was startled at the intensity of my own reaction. But then, nothing like this had ever happened in my life thus far that was so very, very life-altering on a national scale.

Today is not about politics, or conspiracies, or anything else. It's about something that was intensely personal; and at least for a time, about the shining moments of people helping each other, reaching out and connecting to others that they would not normally have done. It was about the American spirit rising up, the hidden soul of the country, that I have always had faith was there even amongst the conflict and turmoil of a (historically speaking) still-evolving new nation.

Sure, in time we all went back to our internal bickering, as dysfunctional families do. And the temporary swell of patriotic fervor was used to justify a vile act that will have long-term repercussions. But that is not what today is about.

I choose to remember, today, that moment in time when we all stood as one people, sharing a universal communal grief. As Joseph Campbell so eloquently stated, “Here was an enormous nation, made those four days into a unanimous community, all of us participating in the same way, simultaneously, in a single symbolic event…..It was the first and only thing of its kind in peacetime that has ever given me the sense of being a member of this whole national community, engaged as a unit in the observance of a deeply significant rite."

Goddess bless those who crossed the Veil that day; and those who survived and carried the experience with them. Goddess bless the responders who risked their lives, and who died in service to their community. Goddess bless those left behind; families and friends and a deeply grieving nation.

In their honor, remember what it felt like to put aside race, religion, and everything else that usually tends to divide us from each other. And then, do your best to keep that flame going wherever you are able. Sometimes we’ll succeed, sometimes we’ll falter. And that’s OK, as long as we pick ourselves up and keep going, keep trying. And ‪#‎NeverForget‬.

Spiritual complacency

I have learned, in asking questions about the how/why of what they believe and practice, new approaches to "traditional" ways, and how some things have evolved and changed over time. It helps keep me grounded in NOT getting complacent with my own practices and beliefs. Otherwise, you risk becoming spiritually stagnant.

Tumblr newbie

OK, because I'm nosy and it's very popular, I have set up a Tumblr. Can any of you Tumblr experts advise a novice on what it's best used for?

http://seshenwolfsong.tumblr.com/

Pagan conversations on sexual predators

This brainwashing of how women should respond to sexual predators is rampant in our society as a whole, not just Pagan events. We need to create some new social habits and a more open culture, and toss out the attitude of "Thou shalt not question or accuse a Grand Poobah or Poobahess. You are not worthy."

The only thing a Pagan title (Degree, clergy status, famous person etc) conveys is that you're very persistent and focused in getting where you want to be. That can be a very good and admirable quality, but it can also be used as a license to manipulate. We need to be aware of this, and support those who speak out against those who choose door #2.

Paganism Loses Its Innocence

Predators, Sacred Space & a Call to Maturity

The Missing Stair

Silence Equals Death - Making Pagan Groups Safe For Everyone

Spiritual highs/lows

A primary part of spirituality that many people don't allow themselves is, true spirituality is NOT a level playing field. You are going to have highs and lows; times when you're completely involved, and times when you need to be a hermit. Both are essential to one's spiritual sanity.  If you're feeling low, you're NOT "losing your religion" or losing touch with your spiritual self; you're just going through the normal cycles of actively participating in life.

Newbies and "social awkwardness"

I recently came across a question about why the Pagan community seems to attract socially awkward people. Here’s my take on this.

There’s an “unconditional love and tolerance for all” ideal in the Pagan community at large. Our internal culture welcomes those who have been rejected by more mainstream groups. Sometimes this bites us in the butt, as people are unwilling to point out inappropriate behavior in a polite, direct manner one-on-one, early on. We tend to forget that a good percentage of newbies are coming in with some serious baggage, and we don’t allow for that transitional phase where they’re going to potentially make some big social blunders. It’s a learning curve that can be done in a positive way, yet still firmly with no wiggle room. Also, individuals can have some wildly different social boundaries of what they will tolerate or not. A newbie needs guidance on how to navigate the waters of an internal social structure that really doesn’t have a common set of boundaries.

Pagans are also notoriously more open about relationship structures; for someone coming in blind, from our generally conservative mainstream with more defined relationship rules, we’re a minefield. I believe we all should be firm as to our own personal boundaries up front, so a new person doesn’t get in a fix with all the mixed signals.

I believe that newbies entering ANY new social structure, especially religious or spiritually related, are coming into it with the idea that they want to fit in but have no idea what they’re dealing with yet. They’re going to be very self-conscious, self-judgmental, etc. Being hypersensitive about not wanting to misstep often leads to exactly that. Those of us with children understand this even more; any kid who knows they are in a situation where they need to “be on their best behavior” inevitably ends up at some point dropping/breaking something, or otherwise creating for themselves a socially embarrassing incident. It’s up to us, in the role of those comfortable with the environment, to gently but firmly help others overcome and do better while not treading on their dignity or self-respect.

This doesn’t mean that the “unconditional love and tolerance for all” is in play; if someone is truly a jerk or an actual danger to the community, it should be addressed. But it needs to be done in a way that does not end up ostracizing a good person based on personal bias. You are NOT required to like or accept everyone, even if they are in the same social community; just be astute about how you handle it.

Magickal Tools: Natural or man-made?

The older traditional Craft did not allow metal in the circle. That's slowly becoming obsolete. Practices evolve and change based on the practitioners, their culture and their personal views and needs. If someone uses an item with man-made materials that they feel got a satisfactory result for them, who am I to tell them that is the wrong way to do it? If I don't agree, I just won't use it for myself. It does no harm to me if others practice differently.

Tweet, tweet, tweet....

I've been sucked back into the Twitterverse.  Damn you, Sunfell!

https://twitter.com/WiccanTexan

Pagan "elevator speeches," continued

What would you include in your elevator speech? Reminder, you've only got 30 seconds average, about 1-2 minutes max to make your points. So what would you feel is important to share? Pick whichever Pagan-related topic you tend to get asked about the most. Word your comment as if you were speaking directly to the non-Pagan.

Here are some of my "elevator speeches:"

On Paganism -  “Paganism is the umbrella term for non-Abrahamic religions and beliefs. It’s primarily used now for earth-based or nature-based spirituality.”

On Wicca - “Wicca is a Pagan religion originating from Britain in the early 20th century by Gerald Gardner. It is an initiatory Mystery faith that has 8 basic elements: Creation of sacred space, belief in the duality of the Divine as God & Goddess, the Threefold Law, use of four primary magickal tools, initiation, the sacred feast, the Wiccan Rede, and celebration of 8 Sabbats or holy days.”

On the Goddess - “The Goddess is half of the Divine whole; all creation comes from the union of male and female. I believe that the Divine is within all things, so the feminine part of that is manifested as the Goddess.”

Blogging Serenity Now!

As anyone who has known me for any length of time has figured out, I’m a social media joiner. I like to play with the latest forum that everyone has flocked to (except Google+, which for some reason repels me). This has become a stress inducer, as I felt compelled to update all my blogs when that profound (or even remotely insightful) thought hits. So in the spirit of stress reduction, my social media venues are going to be limited to Facebook and this Blogspot.  Blogger seems more broadly accessible and user-friendly. The only place I ever share photos is Facebook, so that is more easily monitored.

WordPress blog - begone! LiveJournal - I’ll keep that up while I go through posts and save what I want to, but it’s been having enough security issues that I’ve become wary. The paid account just expired, so it’s now just a free account. Whatever other forum accounts I have floating around out there will be dealt with as I have the time. Any non-Facebook forum communities I’ve set up (no snarky comments from my LJ cohorts) will also go by the wayside.

Note: This does NOT include web sites that I maintain. It’s only blogs that are getting the axe.

How to answer a non-Pagan's question

Pagans should develop, each for themselves, an "elevator speech" for various topics such as Paganism, Wicca, the Goddess, etc. It would make things easier if you didn't have to scramble for the words. If the non-Pagan wanted info past that, then the conversation would have gotten off to a good start.

"Minority religion?" Just say No.

How do we make Wicca and other Pagan religions more respected and accepted in mainstream society? What we need to do is not just kvetch about it; we need to LIVE it. Refuse to use the words "minority," "alternative" and "other" in relation to our spiritual paths. That very action says that we accept another is superior over us. Act as if we are already equal, and stop asking for validation from others as if it's a privilege that we are needing them to bestow.

Texas pentagram-carving loon

I’ve been searching through various news stories about the guy who carved a pentagram on his young son’s back due to the 12/12/12 “holy day.” Horrifying as that was, I must admit to being pleasantly surprised at how unbiased (in general) the reports have been in relation to this. For example, CNN’s report states, “A pentagram is a five pointed star that has associations with many different religions and belief systems.” No specific comments about Satanism, Paganism, Wicca etc. Aka, not an automatic “those New Age loons, here’s another one.”

The boy has been released from the hospital and should suffer no permanent physical injury, as the cuts were not deep. I hope they get him some psychological support, as well as the mother. There was blood smeared on the sides and the top of the home’s door frame doorway as well (shades of Biblical Passover), which means the father did more than just cut the child; he was being ritualistic on a larger scale.

An excerpt from the attached article:

“His stepfather said he had been searching for his spirituality. “He is deep into the Old Testament,” said John Ponce, his stepfather, in the telephone interview from Portland. “There’s a possibility with all of this pain and marital strife and such, he may have resorted to Old Testament references and then convoluted them. If you know about the Old Testament, there’s the Passover marks on the doorframe were done with a sacrificial lamb, definitely not sacrificial children.”

http://www.star-telegram.com/2012/12/12/4479867/richland-hills-father-accused.html

Shielding in social situations

I don't know if I could call myself empathic. But if I'm in a hypersensitive mood with a low tolerance for people, but have to deal with a social situation, I envision a sphere around me in a calming color and do an improvised chant along the lines of anyone's negativity bouncing off it, as well as letting positive energy in and flowing through me, using it to my advantage and the overflow going into the ground. I take what I need and let the rest go, rather than just let it overwhelm me, and mirror the negative away. So far, so good. :)

Minority, shminority....

GOP strategists, etc are now toting the “Republican party needs the minorities” line. Here’s a novel idea. Get rid of the “minority” label altogether, because it still implies that there is a superior majority. This is a big part of the problem as to why people are still so divided in this country. How about, we’re ALL Americans, regardless of ethnic, racial, religious or cultural background (or any other “minority” label out there)? I know, it’s rose-colored optimism on my part, but that’s just the way I roll. :)

the birth control issue

As contraception is used for a variety of women's medical issues besides birth control, the primary reason for the birth control flack is based on religious doctrine. This is NOT a theocracy. If your faith doesn't agree with birth control, then you don't have to use it. I'm sure there are plenty of items within an insurance coverage that religious doctrine would be against. Trying to cherry-pick morality upon others using the Government as a front is, to me, morally reprehensible. For a party that supposedly wants "smaller Gov't," they sure want to legislate quite a few personal choices through said Govt.

Exclusive domain - NOT!

Hope, comfort, noble virtues and a solid foundation that sustains in hard times are not the exclusive domain of ANY one religion. I cannot buy the notion that a Divinity capable of creating this complex universe of ours could possibly be pigeonholed into one religious dogma.

Pagans for Obama on Facebook

The "Pagans for Obama" Facebook group has been re-activated for the 2012 election year! Please feel free to share.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/pagansforobama/

Pagan Coming Out Day, some thoughts

I've been "out" since the early '80s, and can say from personal experience that, for the most part, people are generally politely curious or accepting. I can count on one hand the number of actual negative reactions I've encountered. This is including the fact that both our children (one now 29, the other a teen) have been raised in an openly Pagan household, and I have been open at with family/friends, at work, at their schools, and in the general public. I love this "Pagan coming out" movement in the spirit of having a visible support group for those who may not be in environments that are as accommodating as some of us have been blessed with.